Overcooking anything is bad! For food, it takes the flavor out and sometimes makes it down right disgusting. But when starting a relationship…it’s down right disastrous.
If you are venturing into that murky world called online dating or a friend has set you up, “overcooking” is too often the norm. What am I talking about when I say “overcooking”? I am talking about emailing, texting, phone calls before you have even met. “Overcooking” is not exclusive to online dating and blind dates, it can certainly be applied to the average situation where you have met someone and there has been an exchange of numbers due to a mutual romantic interest.
It’s all too easy to get caught up in just calling/texting/emailing back and forth for weeks at a time. And we tell ourselves, “I’m just getting to know them. I mean it’s foolish and UNSAFE even to meet someone in person before you have gotten to really know them.” Well here’s the issue with all that…your fooling yourself and you are using all this communication as a safety net.
The truth is you can’t ever really know someone until you’ve met them in person and actually experienced that awkward silence or amazing chemistry. We all have a story from work or somewhere, where you have this great repore with someone over the phone, a supplier or advertiser or client, someone you deal with regularly. You seem to be kindred spirits and you have this picture of what they look like. Then comes that face-to-face meeting, conference, or what have you and WOW! You could not have been more wrong! All of sudden this person who you were starting to get to know so well, who you had really formed a relationship with, does not seem to be who you expected at all. And I’m not talking looks wise, I mean personality. You suddenly are uncomfortable with each other and can’t seem to get a decent conversation going-AT ALL.
There’s a simple reason for this. Emails, phone calls and especially texting are safe! You can be anyone you want. I don’t mean lieing about yourself, but your more free to be a bolder version of yourself or at least a different version. It’s also much easier to find companionship and a connection when you aren’t taking into account whether there is chemistry present. And that chemistry is imperative and present in all types of relationships. It’s why certain business relationships are better than others, platonic friendships are better than others and romantic relationships.
We’ve all met someone randomly, and felt this instant connection. You immediately get that internal, “They are good people.” As you part ways you think, “I would love to be friends with them.” That chemistry is present. And you can only get it in person.
So here’s my rule of thumb that I give out to friends, clients and basically anyone that will listen on the subject. No more than 2 or 3 contacts of ANY type before a date. One of those contacts better be setting the time and place. Think of the rule as your kitchen timer-DING! Your done. Anyone who wants to keep the communication going instead of meeting is either hiding something or if it’s a legitimate shyness, ask yourself, “Do I really want to be with someone who is too scared to meet me?”
Don’t cook the flavor out of it. Get out the fork and give it a try. Sometimes it’ll be great and sometimes you’ll not consider it again.
~Mary is a professional matchmaker and self-taught cook. Her experiences and professionally earned skills have helped her to be able to read people, realize what they want and find it for them, in all areas of their life. She has a natural ability to put together people and flavors, creating “wholey experiences”!