Women have misconceptions about men. This we know, but I believe it is you poor men that are highly misguided by urban legend and myths about women. They are often passed on during sport games and while at the gym, and have as much truth as saying, “we should grab some beers after working out for two hours ’cause I heard it’s good to carbo load after a work out”. (I know. You thought that was true too) There are some of you genuinely looking for love. And it seems to me, you all could definitely use some guidance.
Some of you boys are looking for “dates”, aka dessert. This article and these tips are not for you. If you are looking to just get a taste of sweetness at the end of the night, basically you can go about doing whatever you have been doing. Why would you think you need my advice anyway? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
These tips are for the men looking for some substance. The hearty meal that you sustain yourself with. The ones that are looking to have someone to come home to and spend time with, even if it’s curled up on the couch for a movie. The man trying to find the girl to take home to mom.
Some of the most important things to remember when dating (also the most basic that are often overlooked)…
1) Put your best foot forward! Dress well, get a haircut, be properly groomed, and brush your teeth. Hygiene and appearance are important. You don’t want her showing up looking “schlepy” and unhygienic, don’t you do it too. A first impression is made in the first 15 minutes you meet someone. This means, no matter what we all tell ourselves your first impression is based on appearance and the chemistry that is found immediately (or lack there of). I know many of you are under the disillusion that you can just show up as you are. I mean after all what’s not to love, right? And there are those of you that say, “she should see the real me. I don’t dress up and get haircuts and stuff.” My answer-this is why you are single. Make a good impression. Ease her into the version of you that wears the same socks for three days.
2) Know your future. Women want a man who is ambitious and has direction. Even today’s most successful, competent women want a man who could theoretically take care of her. Going on and on about how you have no desire to work but are hoping to kick off a freelance career as a video game tester, probably not a good idea to bring up. If you really feel strongly that that’s what you are meant to do, than at least save it for a later time. If pushed, just discuss how you are hoping to get into some freelance work that you would really enjoy but that you are also secure in your current 40-hour a week job. Try not to bitch and complain about your current work situation, no one wants to hear that on a date. Save it for the relationship. Do you want to hear about how she hates that her pantyhose get a run within 15 minutes of putting them on or that she is fighting with her sister at the moment? NO! Return the favor and don’t whine. One other thing you shouldn’t mention right away, that you live with your parents, grandma or “roommates”. Try and work on that situation immediately if that’s the case. I know, I know. “You’re saving money”, “helping them out”,” it’s convenient”, “what’s wrong with it”…blah, blah, blah. Be real! You’re a grown up! If you want a grown up relationship you need a grown up life.
3) Keep the bachelor lifestyle in check. Try and find something other to talk about besides the 50 sports channels that you spend hours perusing each night and the drinking antics with your buddies. She is not going to want to date an over aged frat boy. Women know that generally men love sports and have had drunken antics with their buddies. We don’t really want to hear about it. It’s ok to bring up who your favorite teams are or a game that you recently attended, but unless she responds with overwhelming enthusiasm and continues the sports conversation, save it for the next time you’re with the guys. Find other more gender neutral topics to talk about.
The drinking stuff… she won’t ever really want to hear about that! You will not sound cool telling her how two nights ago you and your buddies got so drunk that the one guy slept in the bushes out in front of your house. She will not think that is funny or cute. Drinking stories are to be relived with your pals.
And this should go without saying, but just in case, DO NOT bring her somewhere you know all your friends are or invite them on the date OR make it a group date. We are not in junior high. Dating for adults is a two person sport!
And because some of you don’t actually know better, let me mention this. Do not, DO NOT talk about ex girlfriend, ex lay, a date you had the other night, anything that involves another woman unless she is related. Even when you are in a relationship she is not going to really want to know about your past. At some point she should want to know what GENERALLY your relationships have been like (what were reoccurring issues, why did you break up, have you cheated), but NOT things about your sex life, how big her boobs were, that she gave you half of everything you own, she was a great cook or that one time you did it in the park you are about to take her to.
4) Chivalry is not dead. Open doors, pick up the tab, make eye contact. Pay her at least one compliment upon meeting up with her. Ask about her life and then actually listen. And most importantly, do not expect sex! In fact, it is not a bad sign if all you get is a kiss on the cheek. This is the kind of girl you want, not Slutty MacGoo. If you are looking for Slutty MacGoo right now, why are you reading my tips. There are no rules for that kind of girl. That kind of girl doesn’t have rules.
5) After the date, call if you like her. Texting is acceptable. The three-day rule is bunk! You should definitely contact her the next day and let her know that you had a good time and enjoyed getting to know her. Schedule another date right away. It can even be done on the date if it’s going that well. You should make the first contact after the date. Let’s be honest, it might be old-fashioned, but the man should take the lead.
Do not call or text fifteen minutes after leaving her though. That makes you seem desperate, crazy or both. At least wait until the next morning, preferably after 9am.
This is the big top five guys. You need a lot more help than this-like deciphering crazies from normals, treating her right without turning her into a diva (which is a myth-she was always a diva), and not seeming crazy yourself. Don’t worry I’ll help you. Deep breaths and try to remember, if one of your pals told you something about women, it’s probably not true.
~Mary is a professional matchmaker and self-taught cook. Her experiences and professionally earned skills have helped her to be able to read people, realize what they want and find it for them, in all areas of their life. She has a natural ability to put together people and flavors, creating “wholey experiences”!