I love my modern conveniences. I 9 times out of 10 prefer to text you or send you an email over a phone call. I love the food processor to hand chopping, usually. But sometimes, there is nothing like hearing someone’s voice or spending the day soaking beans, chopping veggies and slowly making that big batch of hardy soup.
I read earlier today that 70% of all dating people want to meet someone in person rather than online and 85% still want that after-date phone call, not text message. What does that say?! My guess…it means that it is possible to be too plugged in. Sometimes we want to unplug and do things the way we used to. It means we still long for actual human connection and in-person communication.
I know people who have had great success in the online dating arena. Compared to the numbers of people who have a novel of horror stories, the successes are few and far between. Just like I know people who don’t mind that they receive a text message after a great date saying “thank you” and “let’s do it again.” But most people feel like a phone call shows more effort and interest. It makes you feel more special which helps create a stronger bond for this new budding relationship. That’s got to be better right?
While I think in the dating world there are certain standards, or rules, that should just be known and can go unsaid, I would be very wrong. They are not so obvious, so I’m going to say them.
I tell my clients, referral matches, friends, acquaintances-basically anyone who will listen, that if there is a connection being made through online dating sites or email or texting-do NOT communicate more than three times through these blind sources without meeting. (That means one of the three is to set up a date.) You’d be amazed at how strong of a “connection” can be created through our techie communications that is completely absent when meeting in person. It will be a waste of time and disheartening.
Do NOT text or take phone calls (unless it’s an emergency) while on a date. First of all, it’s rude. You are basically telling this person, everyone and everything are more important than you and I have no interest in you. Perhaps this point than begs the questions, if the date is terrible and I have no interest in them, can I text? Absolutely, have-at-it! Remember this goes both ways though. Maybe you are on a date with someone you are interested in and they start texting. They either have no interest or are incredibly disrespectful to you. Either case, good indication that there is no relationship to be had with this person. (Don’t ignore this sign.) If you MUST check your phone, wait until you go to the bathroom. (No, do not go every 10 minutes because you keep hearing your phone vibrate. Are you that not interested or just that self-centered?)
The last thing that needs to be broached is social media outlets, i.e. facebook. It seems people are unsure if “friend requesting” someone to get a date or after only a date or two is ok. Well in my opinion, it’s not. One of the advantages to a site like Facebook was that you didn’t get every Tom, Dick and Harry (Tina, Debbie and Heather) friend requesting you and then trying to hook up with you. It’s not ok. If you have met someone casually and you want to have a date with them, find another way to reach them. This is tacky and immature. And for those of you that think it’s ok to “friend request” someone after a date or two, it’s not. Again, I’m not sure why people don’t know this, but it’s immature. You should wait until you really know someone before making them a “friend”. That is the point of calling them “friends”. Besides, what happens then when they stop talking to you after two dates and now they are your “friend.” You are now constantly reminded every time they update, or you “unfriend” them. The whole thing just seems silly and immature. There is no point to attaching yourself to them in social media forums until you are actually attached in real life.
There you have it. Three simple rules that will make a huge difference in helping you to “plug-in” to another human being.
I love technology in many ways. It is an amazing tool for business and I couldn’t live without it for that. But forming relationships with people on a personal level is not business. There is a line to how we use these forums and devices so as not to alienate ourselves from living. When it comes to love…”keep it real!”
~Mary is a professional matchmaker and self-taught cook. Her experiences and professionally earned skills have helped her to be able to read people, realize what they want and find it for them, in all areas of their life. She has a natural ability to put together people and flavors, creating “wholey experiences”!